I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
