she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
