I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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