Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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