K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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