are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
