Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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