I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
