so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
