My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
