White coat. Heels.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
