I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
