I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's blow job season.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
