lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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