bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I die, sorry about rent.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
