Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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