Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
