id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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