How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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