There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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