is your mom at the bar?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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