Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
