I got chris browned last night
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
