Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
