I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
