So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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