I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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