you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
