I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
