allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
