is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
