Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
