i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
