i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
