you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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