one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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