So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
