Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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