Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
