I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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