Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
