I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
