Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dignity is for republicans.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
