You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
