Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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