he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
