So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
