Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
