my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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