Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
