just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
