There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
